How My Dark Past (Depression + Binge Eating) Has Actually Served Me

I had such an insightful moment the other day in my meditation that I had to share this journal entry with you. Words were just flowing from my pen and I couldn’t stop the words that gushed out from my heart; words that came from above. I felt surrounded by a sense of love and a new profound vision for my past. A new story–no longer the victim but rather the heroine. I hope this inspires you to rewrite your own past, to stop judging yourself for things that’ve happened, too. It’s made you only that much more human.


Happy to be journaling again! <3

What’s 1 area of your life you love and why?

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I love my relationship with spirituality. Only recently this past year have I truly grown a lot more, and every now and then I may lose myself, but at the end of the day, knowing that the universe has my back always saves me (whether i can see it at the time or not) is truly huge. It gives me permission to just be. It elevates my senses. I feel deeper. I feel safe. I feel uplifted. I love this energy. I feel enough. I feel connected. I feel strength, and I feel love. I am not worried anymore. I love what is.

yoga, pose, spiritual, instagram

I love the universe.

Everything is a practice.

Forgiveness is a practice.

Not a destination.

Yoga is a practice.


  • Instead of a SUCCESSFUL life, live a MEANINGFUL life (for example: how has this injury made my life more meaningful?)
  • No should’s but instead, use “I want to…, I am willing to…”
  • The ego operates on pride, shame, blame, fear, comparison, cynicism

Victories:

  • -I made a new friend at the cafe
  • -I manifested a phone call (10min) from a friend I longed to have company with
  • -I finished 5 papers for my YTT assignment
  • -I prayed. 3 times today.
  • -I did yoga
  • -I honored my mind-body balance today
  • -I DID NOT BINGE 🙂
  • -I cleaned part of the bathroom

Keep 1 small promise to yourself daily (Under 10 min, a brightline)

“What can i give myself now?” Its okay if you’re confused. Celebrate your small victories!

anxiety, panic, affirmations

Adapt Your Life

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July 6 victories:

  • -stashed away pork ribs
  • -exercised for 25 minutes!
  • -hit macros!

July 7 blessings:

  • -BEAUTIFUL weather outside. It reminds me of Vancouver
  • -Wonderful convo with Eva
  • -A chillax job that allows me to blog
  • -Working on a SUNDAY
  • -Lena doesn’t hate me
  • -Coffee @ hand if I want
  • -Beautiful chiffon shirt
  • -Yoga & meditation -> I found myself CRAVING this today and it’s so nice that my spiritual practice is so ingrained in me.
  • -Finding a love for my run today. I haven’t ran in 1 1/2 or 2 weeks and I’ve missed it so much! It’s been hot and humid so I don’t dare go outside and it’s hotter than 23C and humidity of 70% or higher but I was blessed by the universe to have 17C weather with a BEAUTIFUL breeze and I fell in love. My body is extra hungry and metabolism extra higher today since I’ve added running. I can intuitively feel it. Aww yeah!!
  • -I maintained (if not progressed!) my figure despite the exercise reduction.
  • -I have Stranger Things to watch! Ahh!

June 20, 2019

Some days pass fast.

Some days pass slow.

All days pass.

I am here to stay.

Tough times don’t last.

All is good, all is well.

I depends on what I dwell.

Inspiration will hit like a drop.

I needn’t worry it to be lost.

I am that I am.

I am blessed.

my transformation

July 8, 2019:

Today I let go. I let go of you; I release you (Wardah, Dad, Mom, Grandpa, Jeanne); you are on a different spiritual path. I am not meant for everyone in my life, and not everyone is meant for me. I release this need to control. I woke up today feeling physically delicate, so I honoured that by going for a 30-minute walk in lieu of a run. The old Linda would have beat myself up, saying it’s a waste of a perfectly good day after such a long heatwave last week (in which i could not run) be me now knows that all is well, all is good. Things I resist will persist. There is so much strength in the surrender. Surrender means peace. It means you’re willing to work with the storm, or give yourself time to rejuvenate by not working at all.

I found myself tempted to do something unholy yesterday, let the urge pass through like an ocean wave, and was rewarded in the end with a $10 gift. I knew that thought was not coming from my higher self. And I deserve to be her.

Today I also had a profound moment that my past eating disorder has saved me. It saved me from death at a time I could have just stabbed myself, ended it all. It was a tool I used to prevent/fight death. And it’s kept me alive and comforted me.

It saved me. It was a good thing, as all things are. I release this judgement about my past. I continue to be gentle, in flow, in love, manifesting everything I want (Oh Universe, you already know! Need I constantly repeat myself? 😉 This month particularly, I have $600 direct income and $600 in other values.

…And so it is!!

anxiety sad crying

I still had a show that night of my latest, most intense anxiety attack.

July 16, 2019

“It’s just a matter of time.”

“Those who have faith can afford to wait and wait without anxiety.”

Those were the words the universe has spoken to me today. Those were the words I needed to hear.

The last few days have been hard since losing my one and only part-time job that I loved; I binged from 2AM-5AM and was bedridden, nonstop crying for days on end. Feeling fat, sweaty, guilty, shameful, resentful, numbing out by endless social media scrolling. I cried my eyes out and couldn’t fathom another day. Even two buses passed me as I waited late at night for a ride home, as if confirming my unworthiness.

I’m back. I’m stronger than ever. And I’m actively receiving and loving myself. Thank you yoga, Universe, God, and myself.

I know all my manifestations are on their way.


What’s one thing you regret/cannot stop judging yourself for?