a linkup with Amanda(for my thoughts out loud), Becky(for little treats I treated myself lately), Jenn(for what I ate lately), Heather(for Favourites Lately), and Janice and Rachel(for motivational Mondays).
What is “Life In Pictures”?Take as many pictures as you want throughout the week or day to recount the things you did avoiding as much text as possible. Your job is to guess what happened! For more info, click here.
Here we go!
Much of this post is written in “Dear Diary” form without the “Dear Diary Intro”. Take a peek into what I was thinking then and there, and the things that’s happened to me recently:
(January 30 2015):
today was the start of many new things.
For one, I got up early to do a longer than usual(~10 min longer) exercise routine before heading off to school. Because I planned an IF, i didn’t have to worry about warming lunch and all that jazz–which was incredibly nice because measuring, heating up, and eating all take up so much more time than you would think! What a way to start my day–and end the week, since it’s Friday. They say Monday is the day most people start something, whether that be a goal or a challenge and I find it funny-cool that I did this today.
For two second, it was the first day of the new semester. I’ll talk more about it in a video like I did last time, but my courses are as follows:
- Music Theatre
- Music Theatre(yes, two)
My first and last period alternates for different even/odd days, meaning I get to a) leave school early if I don’t have rehearsals or practice after school and b) sleep in and go to school late.
After school, I stopped by David’s Tea and with the gift card Heather gave me from Christmas week(watch the video!) and got a travel mug. Originally I planned to buy their Bodum but I was convinced that the travel mug is better because it can hold 1 oz more of water, is spill proof(which the bodum is not), and keeps beverages warm for up to 8 hours, apparently. Unfortunately it isn’t as aesthetic as the Bodum and just looks like a plain old tumblr, but functionality over looks, right?
I’ll take a picture with my DSLR perhaps tomorrow!
Speaking of tomorrow, it’s supposed to be super cold, which is why my weekly long run is canceled. I have work at 1:30 tomorrow and I’m determined not to be late this time. Oh, I think my boss hates me, by the way. |D (<–that’s a face)
When I got home, I took the longer shower of my life. Okay, that’s a stretch–I took the longest shower I’ve taken in a long time. I was cold coming back home in the wind that I got a brainfreeze from the heavy wind(who knew? I thought the only way was to eat ice cream too fast) and spent a long time in the hot water, half wishing I could take a hot bath with rose petals instead but that would be too wasteful water-wise. I even sat in the shower for a good five minutes just to daydream. Again, I’ve been having trouble with my mind wandering. I like to zone out and daze…
Then I made myself some hot oolong tea and now I’m typing this, and one thing as occurred to me about my coming second semester:
I am feeling lost. Disconnected from life. I have no friends at school and it seems all I do is stay stuck on my phone, browsing through social media and blogs as I attend my classes with half my mind present. I wish I could say I had friends I could be an extrovert with, but I don’t. Among all the other outgoing, artsy kids, I feel less then competent–even blander than ordinary and I shrivel away, shrinking to my own little corner where I talk to nobody and feel so, so alone. I can’t describe how painful it is to be in Musical Theatre, a course where all you do is collaborate with people and is full of obnoxious, rich girls and social standing.
I am nothing. I am totally the invisible in that course. I have no livelihood. Each time I go to those two classes, I feel emotionally drained because I have to put so much effort into smiling and “fitting in”, when I obviously don’t. I’m not funny nor witty. I’m tired and wired and stressed and lonely. I rack my brain hard for something to say to contribute. I have nothing. I don’t know what to do.
Jan 31 2015:
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The bicep gains! HOUR 36 IF #IF is complete! Not nesrly as hard as I expected. Whoop whoop I was lifting while watching YouTube videos the other night and my arms are slightly shaky today. I'm not doing cardio today just to take a break, but i did get up and do a very light arm and back workout. Sweat hard, everyday.
I love it when I’m feeling shaky and sore from a workout, don’t you? It means I’m pushing, it means change is happening and it feels good.
I also went to work today and it was cha-ching day. Always a good day.
I came back home with a large slice of cake from a birthday party that offered to donate the rest of their unwanted cake(mind you, I work in a bowling alley and we host parties for kids nearly every weekend. I’m the cashier/cook, and I’m 110% sure my boss hates me because there’s yet to be a shift she hasn’t yelled at me). Naturally, I took it home and gave it to my siblings. They’re bonkers for cake, can’t you see it in my little bro’s expression?
Feb 1 2015:
I’m a weird person.
I crave company so much, and yet I prefer to spend most of my tasks alone because I feel less pressure to keep up a social image with people and I’d possibly get more done.
And yet I hate feeling lonely.
Feb 2 2015:
Okay why did I come to school today? There’s nothing important going on. It was cold outside. I WAS STUPID ENOUGH TO HEAD OUT THE DOOR! And, I go to school with a bunch of rich people and i just can’t compare without a Starbucks mug and a mommy who drives me to school because my Louis vuitton bag is too classy for bus rides.
Feb 3 2015:
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Lettuce wraps #lettucewraps with a primal paste…you know what it is? A deliciously seasoned, ground up chicken liver. #paleo and #keto friendly version of wraps and burgers! I love this hand food because it is a feast for the eyes and brain. As someone who struggles with overeating and getting smaller portion sizes, this is the perfect thing for me because it takes up space but still keeps me mentally full! 😁 🍴CHICKEN PASTE:🍴 👉1.7 pounds chicken liver, boiled and mashed 👉12 tbsp oils of choice(coconut, tallow, lard, etc) 👉2 tbsp chili powder 👉1 tbsp smoked paprika 👉1/2 tbsp cumin 👉Chopped up fresh herbs of choice 👉Salt and pepper 💪Mash everything together and refrigerate for 1 hour. Approximately 8 servings, per serving: 300 calories, 20g protein, 20 grams fat.
Chicken liver wrapped in my favourite–iceberg lettuce for lunch. It takes up volume and portions out my meal which is exactly what I needed, I tend to overeat things just because they may be “Paleo/keto-friendly”.
Another lunch I brought to school in my glass tupperware was turbot fish and steamed pork fat. I love this combo because it has the perfect ratio of protein to fats(I try to have at least 1.5 the amount of fat compared to protein to maintain ketosis since too much protein turns to sugar in the blood) and the fats from turbot fish are high in omega 3’s. DHEA is an omega 3, and omega 3’s are important for hormone production and I’m trying to fix a few hormone imbalances pertaining to my adrenals, so I’m getting as much Omega-3’s as I can through fish!
Today was also the day I felt extremely sick at school. Why? Well, let’s just say I forgot that too much MCT oils make me want to die. All throughout midmorning, I was in the bathroom, getting hot/cold flashes, feeling nauseous and having diarrhea. Never, ever, ever have more than 2.4 tbsp of MCT oil. Don’t do it. I mean, do it if you have the tolerance but…It was good I finally recovered 1 hour later to join the very end of vocal class.
Feb 4 2015:
I attacked the day with another Insanity workout today.
I feel the most confident when I sweat. When I’m working hard. I feel pride and joy and a thrill in going beast mode–especially after a set of tuck jumps, ya feel
At lunch today, my friend brought out a huge bag of Vicky chips and started eating them. If you don’t know Vicky chips, they are very well deep-fried chips that are hard and crunchy and make a lot of sound when you chew them. They’re also really tasty and I almost wish I had some, but remembered I could make my own paleo-keto friendly chips with chicken skin or pork rinds. And then I realized I didn’t have either and it was a suddenly a sad day.
Feb 7 2015:
Literally how I felt after work.
I have so much to do it’s not even funny. I’m tempted to just do another fast tomorrow because believe it or not, it’s so time consuming to cook and eat food, like I can use that time to finish post secondary applications, practice my song selections for auditions, finish homework, blog, vlog, take pictures, sleep, so on and so forth. The problem is I get invested in too many things that I never finish because I’m either too tired to or I never have the time. I cant believe I’m posting this at 10:30pm when I have a morning shift tomorrow lasting 9 hours or more, and then next day I have school.
I want to get videos up for you guys, I want to blog about my changing up fitness routine, my anxieties, my struggles, my happinesses, my successes and I want to get all school under control; above all I need some ME time to just sigh and breathe and not constantly be living up to a social image. I want to be raw and messy and obnoxious and loud and quiet and watch YouTube videos while not multitasking and do a long, bendy yoga session and walk in the snow while it’s still falling.
Oh. My soul is weary.
I’m going to sleep.
Feb 8 2015:
I’ve been feeling increasingly stressed with post-secondary applications. Maybe it’s just my anxiety because I haven’t officially decided on any piece to do for the audition and there are so many components; 2 contrasting songs, 1 monologue, a written essay, and dance. Well, not that I have to worry too much about dance since choreography will be given to me on the spot the day of, but it wouldn’t hurt to sign up for some dance classes to get coordinated. I’m applying for Musical Theatre Performance at a very vigorous school and I don’t know if I’ll get in. I’m nervous if I do, and dang it, I’d be nervous if I don’t, because there are just some people in the performance industry with a high nose and stuck up chin that I can’t deal with. I myself am very introverted around these types of people–I know because I am surrounded by them at school. All I do is nodd and go along with whatever they say because I don’t have much of a say in anything. It’s complicated. Despite going to an art school, I have not grown as an artist one little bit, in fact, I’m near certain that I’ve shrunk. Smaller and smaller became my personality the more I immersed myself in the program. I am still attending the program, and all I can say is thank the heavens there’s only 1 semester left to go before I don’t have to deal with this atmosphere again. I just fear that the school I’m applying to will only remodel what I’m living here all over again. That’d be a nightmare!
Feb 9 2015:
So I’m famous for boiled eggs. I mean, I even got bae to bring me some to school because I can’t always fit everything in my lunch bag sometimes(this also happens to be the at whose house I annihilated all the cheese…). What I love about boiled eggs is that they are the best hand-food fat source, with tons of Vitamin B12(and a whole bunch of other things). I grab, smash, peel, and eat, and most often, I’ll only eat the yolk and save the whites for another time. I’d bring back the whites and store them in the fridge for another time I need the protein but I’m embarrassed to say that sometimes I forget about them and they go bad and I have to throw them out. I decided this week to slow cook them dry to create a bouncy, chewy texture. I filled the pot with pork broth and leftover bone knuckles from pork bone marrow and placed the little egg white “boats” on top of the bones so they wouldn’t touch the water and cooked on low for 9 hours overnight. This is crucial, as they will make your egg white either soft or hard and chewy. As you can see, the latter are ones with browned edges.
I tried to be discrete while eating this at the back of English class, but I couldn’t hide the fishy smell! I added fish sauce to the broth yesterday and the aroma filled the house. I guess I’m pretty used to it because I was pretty immune to the smell but my classmates kept looking around the room to see what it was. Gosh, what am I going to do when I dorm?! I hope it didn’t smell bad fishy, but rather a pleasant, gourmet fishy smell…needlessly to say, I ate this as quickly as I could behind my hair, closed the container, and pretended nothing happened.
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Ever had to eat super discretely? Did you ever have a food that smelled bad but tasted good? What courses/studies are you currently taking?