keep in mind these “diary entries” were written on the day of, so not everything is written in past tense
Red and center means written in the present
Regular black text aligned left to right means it was written in the past
Wednesday March 18
Yeah. I mean, to be honest I wasn’t hungry when I bought this but I was with a doctor friend who is all about food and she knows my parents so I felt kinda obligated. Gosh, I never thought I’d say this but I’m sick of cheese!
I doubt I’ll miss cheese in a long, long time.
Did you know they charge you extra for guacamole?! I didn’t get any for this reason but I got cheese, sour cream, chicken and lots of Tabasco sauce.
Thursday March 19
I met up with my POPster friend today and we made mac n cheese(okay that was a bad idea considering I only at like 1 hour beforehand and I didn’t feel good after eating the cheese) and then we went on a walk. Her fitness level is pretty low compared to mine so I can see myself having active rest days with her doing exercise. She’s wonderful and easy to get along with, and together we walked through the neighborhood talking about everything, setting up nutrition goals and chatting about university. Later on we did 3 pilates videos and then an easy 20 minute yoga flow, ending with savasana. we did savasana for a good 20 minutes or so! She fell asleep slightly and it was cute. I can’t see myself really doing any of this kind of stuff, especially savasana where we both lie silent next to each other on our yoga mats no talking, just breathing in the silence. There’s something wonderful about a Fitty friend.
And there’s something wonderful about meditation that creates a calm vibe between two friends.
So maybe I was a little run-crazed yesterday and hyper from my 5k run…(vlog video coming soon!)
Saturday March 21
I seriously hope I get the job at Chipotle and they only want me part time. I also hope that the Starbucks 5 minutes from my house would like me too and consider me a super part-time employee because it’s so close to home and so convenient, no commute time! But id hate to have to quit any one of those jobs or the current one I have to make time for another, you know? I feel bad.
So today was a very busy day at work at the bowling alley. I work part time only on Saturdays, which is great because other times don’t work so well with me. What luck, right? I have an interview at Chipotle on Monday and it’s a GROUP interview. Gah! I hate competition like that. I did one for Canada’s wonderland and it didn’t turn out so well. Today I woke up and did insanity max interval, which is intense. I wanted really badly to end my workout with some strength training, but seeing that my parents shun my love for exercise, it is implied that I was not permitted to do so, and that bummed me out pretty badly. So I did my weekend chores like the laundry and bathroom cleaning, made some DELICIOUS bone marrow to eat, and before I knew it it was time to leave for work. I didn’t get a chance to wash the pots and pans I used, but I figured it was really just two pots and I could easily come back and wash them. Well, my dad was furious. He called me 4 times and texted me that he could not tolerate this kind of behavior, and to put it quite frankly, I hate them and they hate me; the dwelling is mutual and I’d love to punch their eyes put if I could but i resort to ignoring them as much as I can and staying invisible to them so I never have to see their faces.
As soon as I came back home after a surprisingly long day at work in which my boss makes me feel like crap even though I try so hard to please, he yells at me so loud that the person renting our family room could no doubt, hear, and twice he raised his hand to slap me and take I flinch. He was furious—and for what? Two plates? I’ve had friends who leave their dishes for the entire week and never have to wash anything for themselves! I’d open my mouth to say something but I knew all my attempts would be redundant and would just drive them even further into hysterious rage.
I’ve reported my dad twice to Children’s aid society, so I think he dare touches me physically because he’s been warned; but a part of me wanted him, dared him to beat the fuck out of me, just so I could call the police and have shit go down with him. I wish I could explain everything I am feeling and how badly my relationship to my family is, but i have no words to explain, and if you asked, only a sigh would escape my lips.
On a positive side, i worked nearly 8 hours, the longest shift I’ve had since my first day(new years eve; 11 hours) and it was busy, which meant there was a lot of fun things to do. When my boss was out, I snuck two slices of bacon in the microwave and ate it. I’m terrible but I consider it “living like a teenager” for once. I’ve never been free and impulsive and immature and always the good girl, never living life and laughing and doing mischief, it actually felt kind of good.
And that’s my day!
Sunday March 22
Woke up, tried doing a booty pilates workout and quit 3 minutes into it because I just wasn’t having it today, and I’m not sure why. Eventually I did a 30 minute cardio workout in the basement when my dad left with the siblings to go to church (ironic, considering what happened last night, right? And not just last night, but his behavior in general. He just goes for the community of people, I know it.)
I was going to visit someone and do a really easy workout with them but as time wore on and I took a shower and cooked, it was too late to spend time together. I spent the rest of the day eating bone marrows, watching videos, and spending the day to myself, which wasn’t as bad as I thought! I get anxious when I’m too lonely, but “loneliness” is just a perception; you gotta be your own best friend.
This afternoon I did a 90 minute yoga flow, most of which was super easy and the last 30 minutes was spent lying on the ground in twists. I felt so calm and so at peace during savasana, and even when I sat up to meditate and my mind drifted to what I planned the next day, what was going on downstairs, and the interview I have tomorrow at Chiptole(holla!), I still felt ~zenful~. I’m grateful this practice worked out for me, because many times I get annoyed with yoga and not every practice turns out to be glorious.
After that, I went on a 25 minute walk outside. It was sure colder than I excepted. I poked my head out once this morning after my cardio to see just how cold it was, and thought, “wow, I should have just went on ahead and ran my 10k today, it’s not that bad!”, but I didn’t feel the windchill then. While taking a walk, my hands were freezing and I’m content knowing I just walked today.
Browsing the web this evening, I also discovered I may be low in ferritin, since I have dark circles under my eyes. I’m looking to get more keto-approved iron-rich foods into my diet, so I can’t wait to go shopping for seafood and animal liver.
Wish me luck with my iron levels, and also my Chipotle interview tomorrow! And remember…sweat hard, always!
Tuesday March 24
I had THE WORST insomnia last night. I couldn’t sleep for 5 hours straight, and tossed and turned and tried everything. I sat up in bed and When i tried to bow my head and stretch my spine, it HURT! Oh my gosh, it HURT so badly. Like when you first start yoga kind of hurt. It’s strange because my spine generally curves very easily. Every time I jumped, shook my head, or banged it against my mattress I got a massive headache starting at the back-base of my head. I know that’s where the hypothalamus and pituary gland sit.
Anyone have any insight to this?
I disabled my alarm for 6am. I cannot see myself working out under these sleep deprived conditions today. Maybe other days in the past, but no way today.
Thursday March 26
What do you do on a day when all the grade 10’s has the OSSLT? I spent it at home, blogging, filming an ab video, and watching Pewdiepie and…going to my second Chiptole interview! I KNOW RIGHT??!! Here’s what happened…
I am waiting eagerly to hear back from my second interview at Chipotle’s! One if the team managers said they liked me because the minutes I walked into the first interview he saw me dancing to the radio song, shake it off, and he said he pointed at me to one of the other members and said, “she’s getting hired, she’s fun.” And he told me this and my heart just jumped.
I am so excited! And that’s what happened this week and now im waiting for the phone call hopefully they’ll hire me…
And another one of the managers said I should be a blogger, after hearing that I liked fitness and health and my eyes blinked open and I exclaimed,
“I AM!!! ITS LIKE YOU ALREADY KNOW ME!!”
And everyone laughed.
Free Burritos if I get the job, guys.
What’s on your mind after reading my diary?